Please raise your big toes and repeat this pledge for yourself. Remember, no matter how high the temperature soars, putting your best foot forward is always in style:
As a member of the “Toe-Exposing Sisterhood,” I pledge to follow these rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and top of my feet will not “pudge-out” between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, co-worker, mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial. Rather, I will lean on my good friend, Dr. Scholl’s, if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy cheap shoes for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toe swells and begins to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend, sister and co-worker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good!